Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
