i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
