if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
