I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize