she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
