We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
