Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
