I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
