Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Randomize
