Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
