I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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