I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
