dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize