I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
