hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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