My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
