he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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