Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
