It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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