Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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