i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
