A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
