he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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