I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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