I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
