I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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