I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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