I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
