i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize