It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
