Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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