Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
