Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
