On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
