Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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