WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
