he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
