This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I CAN MOONWALK!
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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