I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
