Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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