I'm so fucking centered right now
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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