Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
