If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
