Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
