i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
