It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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