I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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