I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
