i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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