I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
