You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
