grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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