Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
