i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
