he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
why do cheetos always look like penises
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I love you. Go after that dick
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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