trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize