real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
