This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize