you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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