The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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