I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
