At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
