I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
