i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
How does it feel to date your dad?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize