i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
