john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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