normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
