im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
